apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
