hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
