Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
