Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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