So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
