Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Vodka?
Forever.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
