Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
