I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
