The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Let's paint friendship bongs
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
