you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Randomize
