Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
My cat gives me a boner
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
