I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
