It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
