highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
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