Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
