and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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