he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
