so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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