Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
