I could make wine with my vomit
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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