then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
