Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
