her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
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