Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
