Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
apparently the secret to your success is patron
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
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