No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
You have to summon your inner elephant
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Let's get the cat blown out
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
