we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
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