Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
