; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
