is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
i would one night stand the shit outta him
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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