my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Duck Duck Cougar?
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
