Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
