I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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