i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
