I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
The uberlube is also flammable
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Randomize
