This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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