areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
