What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
