Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
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