yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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