I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
