then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
