the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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