once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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