I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
