I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
