everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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