Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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