I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Randomize
