Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Randomize
