His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
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